How to go Grey without being Grey

I was always told that as you got older life became less black and white and more shades of grey.

I do not find this true within myself. I have stayed very much in the realms of black and white. The only thing that seems to be grey in my brilliant thirties is my thinning hair.

For example:

I am a part of a Pagan group called Tribe of Gaia. It is made up of a rainbow of spiritual personalities. We have a Witch of no particular school; one I am unsure of--have not had a chance to discuss it; an In-Search-Of Pagan, looking for a Path that best suits them; a Neo-Pagan curious, there is interest... I think; an Agnostic with heavy Atheist leanings; an Agnostic; and me--the spiritually torn.

I don't feel like I should really be there until I commit. I am either a Pagan who attends this Pagan group or I am a Buddhist and then I don't? But no one else seems to have a problem with being who they are spiritually and attending and participating in something that does not exactly fit within their worldview entirely. So, why do I?

I do not feel like I belong anywhere right now. When I attend the Buddhist group on Thursday nights, I feel like an outsider. When I attend the Pagan group, again, I feel like an outsider. Because in my head I am either one thing or the other... I cannot find middle ground between the two... and right now I am searching and feel alone.

So, if tomorrow I decide I am a Buddhist why would it feel wrong to attend the Pagan functions? And vice-versa? If I decide to rededicate myself to a Pagan path would I feel wrong in attending the zazen group? For some reason, I would.

Because I am not truly greying as I get older. Everything still remains black and white in my head. Especially in the realms of religion.

In America the idea of "mutt" is a proud thing... but in a way I feel it has gone beyond the melting pot of physical identity. It is now in everything we do. We mutt-up ideologies, philosophy, religion and I am not so sure that this is a good thing.

Should everything grey? Or should some things remain black and white?

Confused is my word du-jour.